"One must consider that being a single mother of twins poses unique challenges in navigating everyday tasks that are essential. Some modes of transportation or elevators are not easily accessible for twin strollers. This means that even simple tasks like grocery shopping or doctor visits can be arduous."
Jelena has been a mother to twin daughters for nearly three years, and for the last two, she's been managing her and her daughters' lives on her own. In our conversation, Jelena shares insights into her challenging daily routine and discusses the societal and systemic changes she hopes to see that would make life easier for single parents. Admittedly, we also chatted about INA KENT bags. :)
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Are there topics related to motherhood that you believe are addressed too infrequently in public discussions? What common prejudices about motherhood have you encountered?
I feel that the general consensus still leans towards motherhood being a great joy, and that everything is intuitively manageable. If you have a partner – which is not the case for me – as well as a tight-knit network of friends and family, it may be easier ... but it's never simple. What I often hear, even from family members, is: "We somehow managed it too!", "Just sleep when the kids sleep!". Of course, motherhood is beautiful ... and my children were a conscious decision. But it's really not easy.
How does being a single mother (of twin daughters) affect your daily challenges compared to parents in partnerships?
One must consider that being a single mother of twins poses unique challenges in navigating everyday tasks that are essential. Some modes of transportation or elevators are not easily accessible for twin strollers. This means that even simple tasks like grocery shopping or doctor visits can be arduous. And when both children start crying simultaneously, one can easily reach their personal limits of endurance.
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What specific support needs do you experience as a single mother that you would wish for from your social environment or society as a whole?
Honestly, I believe that single parents – depending on their financial situation – should be entitled to receive free infant formula and reusable diapers. That would already be a tremendous relief.
In addition, we need more intensive, but above all uncomplicated support measures in childcare that go beyond the usual care options such as kindergarten or daycare.
While there are options to access certain forms of assistance (such as through Caritas), one must consider that gathering all this information and submitting applications must be done individually, which consumes time and energy that single parents of infants or toddlers might not have. It would be wonderful if there were a dedicated support center specifically for single parents that is easily accessible and can provide pragmatic assistance. I have often experienced that many employees in offices have only partial knowledge, and one often receives incorrect information, leading to further delays and detours.
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"Many people may not realize that as a mother of twins, I spend a lot of time at home, as even the simplest tasks – like dressing them, packing countless things, and finally leaving the house – take up an incredible amount of time. Some activities I simply don't dare to do alone with the two of them, or they require a great effort."
What obstacles do you frequently encounter regarding the compatibility of work and single parenthood, and how could employers or state institutions better address these?
In my opinion, the "part-time trap" is a reality that single parents face – even if there's access to full-time daycare. It still doesn't seem to be widely understood that it's not easy to leave babies and children in someone else's care all day long. On the one hand, the necessary infrastructure is often lacking – for example, children must be picked up by 5:00 p.m. at the latest. On the other hand, it's not easy for babies and children to adapt seamlessly and without resistance to daycare. The educators there are also often overwhelmed, and if there are problems – for example, if the children can't fall asleep at lunchtime – you are naturally contacted. This happens at times when you should be focusing on work.
This leads to great stress and a torn feeling. You feel guilty towards your own children, the employer, and also the educators, who often have to look after too many children at once. Sick leaves and sick children further exacerbate this stress and guilt. In addition, during the time when you're not working, you really want to be mentally present for your children – but with this workload, it's hardly possible.
So, I would wish for the government to provide sufficient childcare places. On the one hand, this should make it possible to work full-time without burning out. On the other hand, it would also be important for single parents to occasionally have the opportunity to entrust their children to others in order to have some time for themselves. Because not everyone can afford a babysitter. Additionally, it would be highly desirable for employers to show the necessary flexibility and empathy.
How does the lack of support systems for single mothers affect your personal well-being?
Many people may not realize that as a mother of twins, I spend a lot of time at home, as even the simplest tasks – like dressing them, packing countless things, and finally leaving the house – take up an incredible amount of time. Some activities I simply don't dare to do alone with the two of them, or they require a great effort. A spontaneous trip to the pool or into nature is not that simple – my daughters are three years old and full of energy, they require constant attention.
And yes, this constant tension affects my mental health. My personal life practically doesn't exist, except when my mother travels from Styria to support me.
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What changes or reforms would you like to see implemented to make life easier for single mothers and to enhance their participation in society?
From a societal perspective, I'd like to see fair and equal sharing of responsibilities in child-rearing and caregiving between mothers and fathers in existing partnerships. Breakups complicate matters even more. While I can't speak for everyone, I've noticed a recurring pattern among my friends: when couples separate, much of the childcare burden still falls on women. Fathers often only take over when it suits them, and this typically doesn't include the sleepless nights. This leaves mothers constantly exhausted. You can imagine how stressful it is to never get a full night's sleep and always feel tired. How to resolve this, especially regarding custody issues, is unclear. However, there should definitely be institutions that offer practical and inexpensive ... or even free support.
How does being a single mother affect your ability to make financial decisions, and how do you handle financial challenges?
I've been a single parent since my twins have been one year old, and it's truly a tremendous challenge. With twins, you need two of everything at once—diapers, food, or milk—and it's all incredibly expensive. My body didn't produce enough milk for both babies, so I had to buy a lot, and it's absurdly expensive. As a single parent, I also have to cover most of the general living expenses by myself rent, other fixed costs, not to mention loans taken out during the now-ended partnership. It all adds up. The money I manage to save is usually earmarked for things like additional payments or emergencies when something breaks and needs replacing. I'm often stretched to the limit, and it's a distressing feeling.
How do you spend a day when you have no obligations?
I enjoy tidying up my apartment, cooking, taking a long shower, doing my hair and nails, having coffee, and taking photos!
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How do you, as a single mother, incorporate your personal values and beliefs into the various decisions involved in raising your children?
I aim to raise my children to have a strong sense of right and wrong. I want them to think freely and express their personalities, regardless of what others think. I see them as little artists—there isn’t a day without singing and drumming sessions.
You own several INA KENT bags ... which model is your favorite, and why?
I’ve always loved the AMPLE ed.1. It fits everything I need during the day. I can also hang it on the stroller or wear it as a backpack when I need my hands free. With AMPLE ed.1, I always feel comfortable.
What specific item do you always carry in your bag that you consider essential for your daily life?
As a mother ... wet wipes. 😊 Also, a notebook and pen to draw and document ideas.
As a mother of twins, you need to be highly organized ... what strategies and criteria do you use to select and organize your INA KENT bags?
As I mentioned, the AMPLE ed.1 is in daily use and meets all my needs. I don't often need small bags in my daily life, but theoretically, a MOONLIT ed.1 can also fit a pack of wet wipes, two diapers, and the mother-child passport. 😊
Can you give us an example of a situation where your choice of INA KENT bag has made a difference in your daily life as a mother?
Honestly, I can’t answer that question because I’ve been using INA KENT bags since the beginning of my motherhood, so I don’t have a comparison. But I use them daily… and what I appreciate is that they are not only super functional but also look great. And I also love my TAB ADD ed.1… I always want my key handy, so sometimes I just clip my TAB ADD to the belt loop of my pants or onto the stroller.
Is there a special feature or function of your INA KENT bags that has helped you better manage the daily demands of motherhood?
They are super lightweight, even though they are made of leather!
JELENA'S CHOICES:
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